M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
