I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize