Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
