Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
false alarm, still single
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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