apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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