I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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