She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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