Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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