yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
