hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
never play flip cup with pint glasses
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Found the puke drawer
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
