jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dignity is for republicans.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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