so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
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She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Less talking, more tequila
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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