as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
