Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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