Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You made out with two different species that night
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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