Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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