am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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