Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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