i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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