Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
