Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
