My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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