Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
