i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
