I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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