I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
