Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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