Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
