i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
