Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
