You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
