mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
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If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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