ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
