Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
