I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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