I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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