Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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