so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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