If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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