Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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