Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
