He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
