apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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