Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
