You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
