Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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