woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
