In the future we'll all be gay
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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