OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
