just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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