I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
