we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
