God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
40s are totally the cure
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
