I wish my penis had an off switch
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I love you. Go after that dick
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
