Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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