The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
