That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
