Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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