After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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